Flödesschemat var speciellt anpassat till JS, för hur man skall gå till väga, när man finner en potentiell kandidat att gifta sig med. Genom att steg för steg följa flödesschemat arbetar man sig sakta men säkert fram från första ögonkastet till bröllopet.
JS uppgav motvilligt att han ännu inte har lyckats kollidera med någon lämplig kandidat att testa flödesschemat på.
- Det är lite tunnsått med lämpliga flickor i det här laboratoriet, kunde JS ha sagt.
Som bilaga till flödesschemat finns också ett giftbarhetstest. JS medgav efter en viss påtryckning att han uppnådde resultatet 9,1 poäng, vilket motsvarar nivån "instantly marriageable", i testet."
Läs flödesshemat här:The Relationship Logframe.A logical step by step guide to evaluating progress and condition of diverse relationships
Version A. For Johnnys seeking wives. With special ‘’How marriageable are you?’ appendix’. To use this log frame, apply each question to yourself.
1. Is the person eligible? This means is she female, unmarried, a Christian and not closely related to me? NO OTHER ELIGIBILITY CRITERION EXISTS.
Yes – proceed to 2
No. CATEGORY ERROR. Proceed no further.
2. Do I like her or do I like the idea of liking her?
Yes – proceed to 3
No – proceed to 3 anyway. This really is an unimportant question at this stage. Most happy relationships and marriages began with a ‘No’ to this question. I have put it in only because most people think it ought to come in at some point. There is a more important question to ask first.
3. Does she know I exist?
Yes – proceed to 4.
No – Certain measures are required. This can take the form of an introduction by a friend, yourself, flowers, a card, a marriage proposal, ambush, kidnapping, joint attendance at a group activity etc. Repeat question 3 after each measure taken until the answer is Yes.
4. Does she like me?
Yes – proceed to 5.
No – proceed to 5 anyway, the same pattern pertains here as for question 2 but it may be worth asking question 4.1 – How much does she not like me? Answers here have by custom been put on an incremental (and logarithmic) scale which runs from indifference through to mild hostility (he’s nice but I just find him annoying) to open hostility (get out of my sight and never come back again) to open hostility with violence and slander (as before but more colourfully put) to simple violence (accomplished though diverse means, which are also commonly put on an incremental and logarithmic scale). Analysts have long pondered this scale and its subdivisions and looked for relationships between positions on the scale and marital outcomes. Their work has been somewhat hampered by the fact that all positions on the scale are commonly met with disbelief by the male and therefore are a poor guide to his behaviour.
5. Is she my friend?
Yes – proceed to 7
No – Something needs to be done. Proceed to 6
6. What can we do that would make us friendlier with each other?
There is clearly no right or wrong answer here. All of them involve diverse ways of spending time with the person, cherishing them, praying with them, enjoying their company, loving them. Particularly activities in which to accomplish these goals are: sending them emails; talking to them; sharing stories and commentary on the same in Linus’ website.
This question, by the way, and its answers, are the most important in the log frame.
7. Do I like her?
Yes – proceed to 8.
No – You still want to ask this question don’t you? Would you have bothered to get this far if you didn’t? Proceed to 8.
8. Are you sure?
Stop shilly-shallying proceed to 9.
9. Do you want to marry her?
Yes – proceed to 10.
No – think about question 6 again to make sure. If your answer remains unchanged you may need to make your opinion and the reasons for it clear at some point.
10. Does she want to marry you?
Yes – proceed to 11.
No – Go back to question 6. I told you that this was the lynch pin of the log frame. Be more varied this time in the answers you give to the question.
11. Are you absolutely sure you want to carry on with this? Don’t you realise what a momentous step you are about to take? This is the rest of your life we are talking about after all. People always say that their lives lead up to, and away from that moment. If you proceed from here, make no doubt about it, you will become eligible for a STAG NIGHT, whose entire purpose (lets face it, marriage is in relative terms a doddle) is to introduce a sufficient disincentive to young men from entering into matrimony without undue haste.
Yes. You have absolutely no idea what your stag night will probably entail. Go back and repeat this question.
No. – that’s more like it. After all, you never are ‘ready’. You will now find you have proceeded to 12.
12. OK, I had the stag night and got married is this the end of the log frame?
Absolutely not – go directly to question 6 every day for the rest of your life.
Appendix A. The marriageability questionnaire.
In addition to the questions above log frame users have been known to insert a series of questions about themselves and their marriageability. These questions are strictly ineligible for the log frame. They are excessively about the log frame user, and not about the relationship and its participant, they therefore have no place in the evaluation. Since they often creep in however it may be worth briefly reviewing these questions:
1. Am I single, male, a Christian and unrelated to the single female Christian with whom I might seek a relationship? NO OTHER CRITERION EXISTS.
Only people who answer yes can use the log frame.
A number of supplementary questions have been appended to this single core in the past. None of these have any bearing on marriageability at all, merely on self confidence. Here are a few that are typically used:
1. Am I active, sporting and athletic?
Yes – 2 points
No – 20 points
2. Have I got good sense of personal hygiene, washing regularly and flossing frequently?
Yes – 2 points
No – 20 points
3. Am I a member of a brilliant band of international scientists meeting in a laboratory of world renown?
Yes – 1 point
No – 1000 points
4. Am I cosmopolitan, well travelled, with a variety of diverting holiday snaps and able to speak 2 or more languages?
Yes – 2 points
No – 20 points
5. Am I an interesting and unusual person?
Yes – 2 points
No – 2 points (this one can cut both ways)
6. Am I careful and considerate often carrying around things like spare plastic bags and other gear in case my intended might need them?
Yes – 0.1 point
No – 1 million points
Count up your score, if you got below 10 you are instantly marriageable and had better start buying or building new accommodation prompto. If you got above 10 you still rate as highly desireable. Above 1000, people are unlikely to ring you up asking you to marry them on the spot but you are still likely to be well sought after. Above a million – give up, and go find some plastic bags now.
A number of other measures to promote eligibility have been suggested. These include:
Locate a florist.
Learn how to fly a plane or make friends with someone who does.
Spruce up your wardrobe.
Buy a sports car or make friends with someone who does.
Learn small talk and practice making compliments.
Cultivate an aura of vulnerability tempered by underlying strength.
There is however no correlation in the literature of which I am aware between these so-called eligibility criteria and marital success. They are best ignored.
